I Own Very Few Articles of Clothing That Don't Have Paint Spatter Somewhere

Paint is always close at hand in my world.  The other day Klee asked if I wanted to toss out the hideous pink curtains that came with the house.  I had been using them as drop cloths for painting the cabinets.  He figured, since the cabinets were done, I was done painting, so the curtains could go.

Oh, Klee.  The painting is never done...

Klee's old nightstand (which spent a year outside)

I found the paint at the rejected paint
stand at Lowes ($2.00!)
The knobs were on sale at Anthropologie

Gripe Water

One of the little vials in Elliott's medicine cabinet is called 'Gripe Water', intended to sooth his fussiness.  Though, it has never proven to be much more than a placebo, I like the name.  I sure could use some gripe water right now.

I've mentioned my battle with Lyme disease before.  A couple of years ago, I spent about six months in aggressive antibiotic treatment under the direction of two physicians in Chico, Ca.  I had been plagued by mysterious symptoms for almost 20 years, with little relief.  But, with the treatments in Chico, I made dramatic improvements.  It felt like I was being given my life back.  At the time, my doctors said I would probably need consistent treatment for at least a year, and they recommended IV antibiotics as well as hyperbaric chamber treatment. However, my marriage ended, which dramatically affected my financial status, so my treatment ended as well.  The cessation of treatment was actually a blessing, as it would have been very bad for baby Elliott if I had been on those meds during my pregnancy.

Even though I wasn't able to complete the therapy, I felt so much better for a very long time.  But, it's all coming back.  I was warned that Lyme is a very stealth and sneaky adversary.  I knew it would resurface.  It's just that I've had time to forget what it felt like.  So far, the symptoms I'm recognizing include:

• Foot and hand pain.  Especially when I wake in the morning, the pain in my feet is similar to the feeling you get after walking all over Disney Land for days with bad shoes.  The bones feel bruised and feet feel swollen, even though there is no visible swelling.  The hand pain is more like arthritis.  They ache and hurt when I try to open things or grip anything tightly.
• Restless Legs Syndrome.  Unbelievably irritating!
• Back pain.  My spine is very stiff.  Notable pain in my ribs, shoulders, and lower back. I know some of this is Elliott-related.  I would attribute it all to him if I hadn't felt it all before.
• Hip pain.  This is unique.  My hips ache and occasionally seem to give out.  I do think some is of this is a result of pinched nerves related to Elliott though.
• Fatigue.  This is one of the worst symptoms.  I dread it.  
• Brain Fog.  I was so happy when the brain fog lifted during my six months of treatment.  I want that back.  I feel myself sinking into the fog and, again, I dread it.
• Black outs.  More specifically, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia and Hypotension.  Sucks.
• Anxiety.  This is already an issue for me, made worse when I'm sick.
• Night sweats.  

I have no insurance, but it wouldn't really matter since Lyme is a highly debated diagnosis in the insurance and big medicine world.  Doctors that are aware of the depth of this illness are rare, and those that have the knowledge and willingness to treat it are even more scarce.  But they're out there.  I don't intend to give in to this bug.

I'm just so very pissed at this reality!  I hate it!  I tend to push through as much as I can.  I still create (I find it therapeutic), mother, play; but it's all a lot harder.  I hesitate a little more at planning outings... Will it hurt?  Will I get too tired?  Will I be irritable and bitchy?  Unh.

SOAP BOX:
I would like to note that I know of several others that attended Monterey Bay Academy, that have been tested and diagnosed with Lyme disease.  It was rampant in Santa Cruz county in 1989/90, and is still endemic in that area.  You do NOT have to see the tick, feel a bite, or see a bull's eye rash to have the disease.  Less that 40% do.  If left untreated it becomes chronic and neurological.  It is rarely alone, Lyme disease usually brings a host of co-infections with it, which also must be addressed in treatment.  Bartonella is a common one.  IF YOU LIVED AT OR NEAR MBA/SANTA CRUZ COUNTY and have suffered a mystery illness, please consider Lyme, and get tested by a Lyme literate doctor.  Palo Alto is a good place to start.


Ok, so that's my gripe.  Peace out.

The Office (Devil Birds Included)

View from my bed

Before I get started, I have to comment on the duck.  I'm sitting here, on my bed, and I hear a quack from the creek below.  How completely cool is that!? (I never know what punctuation to use when I'm both questioning and excited. There needs to be a third option.)  And the duck is not alone!  I have been spied on by both deer and wild turkey.  And, somewhere in those trees is a horrid screeching devil bird and some form of bear-dog.

I also believe it is skunk season, as I have passed far too many aromatic road-kills these past few weeks.  I always liked the scent of a distant skunk.  Kinda feels like home (weird?).  But, up close, it loses that homey charm.

I really want to share my latest project with you.  Please excuse my tangent-riddled brain.  She's tired.  Also, the lyme symptoms are back and doing a number on her clarity.

Well, we've been working on our backyard this month.  I can't even describe how calming it is to finally have life out there.  (I will show you before and after pics in a future blog.)  One of the major improvements, of course, is the grass!  It arrived on our driveway in one big square pile of dirt burritos. I wanted to surprise Klee when he came home from work, so I managed to muster my superhuman strength, which seems to kick in when I'm in project mode, and lugged each of those muddy rolls to the backyard.

I was delighted to find a large wooden pallet at the bottom of the heap.  I couldn't wait to play.  As the ideas developed, I knew that one pallet would not suffice.  So, Klee and I set out to scavenge for more.  They're everywhere!  But they aren't all for the taking.  Some businesses reuse their pallets, so we had to make sure via lookout man and getaway van that they were free to take.  We collected all different sizes and color shades. Treasure hunting is kind of our thing.


So that's a whole lot of typing to tell you that I made some cool stuff out of wood pallets... and other materials like a big cardboard piece, tin cans, rebar twisties, etc..

Since Klee and I are both creative types, we decided to designate a wall in our bedroom to be our "ideas" wall.  We weren't sure just how we would go about this until our magic pallet appeared.

The great thing about pallets is that they are pretty much pre-assembled (take that Ikea!).  However, you will most likely want to embellish yours.  In this case, I cleaned and lightly sanded some of the really rough spots.  Then I applied just one coat of paint, as I wanted the character of the wood to show through.  I backed it with a large piece of cardboard, covered in fabric, which I had laying around (I have crap like that stashed all over the place).  The purpose of the fabric and cardboard was to serve as a pinboard, possibly sparing the wall from unsightly pricks.  This turned out to be mute, however, as I then proceeded to use eight screws to install the piece.  Mama likes her power tools.

Once the pallet was mounted, I played...

My tin can project (in process)

Card Klee gave me, telling me I was
courageous; and some shells
 from our beach trips

Sentimental frame, postcard, jars of rocks, and vintage
hat which I bought at a thrift store in Santa Cruz
when I was about 17 years old 

And, what idea wall is complete without a desk?

I plan to add glass to the top.  It turns out,
a desk with large gaps, has some drawbacks 

And, cool antique kitchen cart, which Klee and I found on an unrelated treasure hunt a while back.









The wall has two square windows which I've only slightly covered.  I will most likely add to them eventually.

I used wire, curtain rings and
fabric-like paper

It's still a work in progress, but, I guess that's the whole point of an "idea" wall, right?  It will change with each new piece of inspiration, or project.

Two Years of Entropy, Let's Celebrate!

In honor of the two year anniversary of My Groovy Entropy, I give you cupcakes...

Kahlua chocolate with chocolate raspberry ganache

Yellow cake with lemon zest, topped with lemon curd and
cream cheese frosting

Edible flowers from mom's garden:
nasturtium, pansies, roses

Chocolate covered espresso beans and
cookies to top it off

Two full years of entropy; still looking for my groove.  Stay tuned...

Two Roads Diverged In A Yellow Wood...

Next weekend, my husband of 11 years is getting remarried.  I learned of this two weeks ago in a conversation regarding the kid's schedules.  It went something like, "the boys don't have camp next week; will Kinsey be around on Thursday? Oh, B and I are getting married next month; do you know where Bailey's phone charger is?".

Three weeks is not a lot of time to process it all, but I think I'm doing... OK.  It's very surreal. From what I can tell, she's a nice person.  The kids love her.  I want him to be happy (except when I don't).  I hope they won't have to fight the same dragon that burned down our fairy tale.

Of course I've been playing all the memories over; usually when everyone else is sleeping.  We had a lot of good.  In fact, outside of that one beast, we were pretty great.  I held on to that greatness whenever it got dark.  I kept thinking if I just hung in there, kept fighting... loving...

I held on until I couldn't anymore.  I lost my grip.  I lost myself.  Lost hope.

So here I am, completely disillusioned about love and the institution of marriage. Wondering why I've been so unsuccessful in it.  Sometimes it feels I've got my nose pushed up against the glass of the 'Love and Marriage' shop with my pet, Bitterness, sitting at my feet.

If I hear another well-meaning, "You, know, marriage takes work...", I'll... well, I don't know what I'll do.  I know what I'd like to do, but I'll probably just nod and say, "yes, it does."

I think, however, that sometimes, deciding to let it go is the brave thing to do.  I assure you, it is not the easy way out.  It is not immediately rewarded with acceptance and understanding from others.  It required me to trust myself.  That inner voice that I hid from for such a long time.  The one that blurred away when he shined.  I had to listen to her, and do still.

So, as he takes that proverbial stroll down the aisle, away from me, I'm forced to ask myself, "Do I feel at peace, as he goes? Do I accept this road I chose?"  I have to say...

I do.

Repurposing With Flower Power

One of the casualties of our recent move was a loft bed which I had been using in the kids' room.  When we attempted to reassemble it in the new house, we quickly realized that it was too bent up to go back together properly.  So, the skeleton of said bed has been perched outside, by the garbage cans, theoretically waiting for one of us to make a trip to the recycling center.

It's hard for me to explain how my projects come to me.  Inspiration usually hits me when I'm attempting to do something completely unrelated.  I might see something, that makes me think of that other thing, that reminds me of something in the back of my garage that would be great for...  it's like that.  So, it was something like that, that lead me to my most recent headboard project, using, of course, the abandoned loft bed frame.

It started when I realized that the mattress supports for the loft bed were the exact length of a king headboard.  I liked the lines of the metal supports but didn't like the cheap Ikea metal finish, so I decided to paint.




Paint falls into one of my hoarding categories.  I like to have paint on hand, since nothing changes a look faster than a coat of paint!  Paint can get expensive, so I've made a habit of checking the rejected paints at Lowe's, Home Depot, Ace hardware, etc..  There's always a table of paint cans that were denied, generally because the color or finish wasn't what the buyers wanted.  These cans are usually $1 to $5, as opposed to $30.  Not bad.

In this case, I had a blue color that I liked, but it wasn't exactly what I wanted, so I pulled out my stash and started mixing.  I came up with a perfect gun-metal grey.

Some of you may recall the headboard project in which I layered old fabric samples.  When we moved, I collected and stored those samples, uncertain of how I was going to use them in the new house.  It occurred to me that the cold look of the frame might benefit from some fabric softening, so I started to play.

My idea was to make fabric flowers.  Then I remembered that I have a tin filled with old buttons from my mother's and grandmother's sewing days.  I was so excited to infuse some history into this project.  I also decided to use some of the yarn (which I got from freecycle a while back) for accents.

Once I started applying the flowers to the frame (I sewed them on), I realized I was going to need to make a bundle of them in order to get the effect I was looking for.  I was going for the look of scattered flowers, but I think it would also look really cool to use one to three large flowers instead.

After a lot of placing, removing, repositioning, and staring, it was time to install the headboard.  This was easy to do since the frame had perfectly placed holes which I was able to use for mounting it to the wall.  I used deck screws because I liked the rusted look of them.

I had a few flowers left over which I've had a little fun with.  There are so many fun applications for them.  One of my favorites is lampshade embellishment.  In this case I used magnets to apply the flowers to prevent damaging the shades.

Klee and I are planning to open a little on-line shop to sell some of our creations and finds.  I think I might sell some of my flowers there. What do you think?

Anyway, stay tuned my friends.  I have an obscene amount of projects to catch you up on.

Peace out!

Fast Forward

Tidbits and thoughts from my life since May-ish...

In May, we managed to find a new home to rent.

Finding a rental, in a renter-saturated market, when your credit has been obliterated, is kinda like childbirth... Ugly, painful, and better with drugs.

Fortunately, after only a few (6) denials, we were able to find a home with enough cosmetic flaws to make us look  not-so-delinquent good to the landlord.

So, we've been sanding, painting, fighting, drilling, nailing, crying, and... Repeat.  

View from my bedroom window

But you know me.  I LOVE my projects.  So, it kinda feeds my insanity.  Actually, this home is perfect.  The more we paint, prune, and prop, the more ours it becomes.  And it sits right above a creek with a mountainside of trees.  I still can't believe we live here.

June brought graduations and summer vacation.  My boys were promoted to middle school.  My daughter was promoted to high school. And I was promoted to... old.

After the graduations, we headed to Yosemite for Klee's family's annual reunion.  Apparently, the cabins, which they usually reserve, were all booked up, so we stayed in tents.
I know you die-hards think this sounds great, but from where I was not sleeping, an 8 month old baby, 30 degree nights, and bears, was just a little too close to nature.

Of course, Yosemite was amazing when I was thawed out enough to stop shaking.

We were so lucky to be invited to Morro Bay to spend the fourth of July with Klee's family.  It was amazing to be able to give my kids an actual vacation.



We spent hours on the beaches, perused the antique shops, and even saw a movie!

Affogato

But the best discovery was the Affogato.  It should require a prescription as I'm pretty sure it would heal most ails.  I'm looking into it. Anyway, Affogato go now.  (snork, snork)







July 24th was my mother's 70th birthday, so we loaded up and headed down to Ventura county to throw her a birthday bash, complete with cupcakes and pinata.  The cupcakes filled my need to obsess perfectly.  The pinata was just hillarious.  It withstood everyone's blows until my brother, Darin, finally took it down to the ground Rocky style.

While we were down south, Darin and I took a day to go visit our 100-year-old grandfather, Herb Wiles, aka Papa Bear.

I treasured the chance to sit and chat with Papa Bear and his enormous cat, PrinceKit.

(My younger brother's girlfriend, Meagan, theorizes that PrinceKit is just compensating for all of the pictures, etc., of large tigers and lyons that my grandfather keeps around.)

While we were there, Papa showed us an old painting of Darin's.







We're back home now.  Back into our projects...

School starts Monday.  My baby girl is racing toward her freshman year. My boys start middle school, officially leaving me stupified by the passing of years.

Elliott is crawling, pulling up on everything that might put his life at risk, and discovering the joy of chewing his food.

Klee and I are pushing through the chaos.  Looking for our way in it all; skinning our knees quite a bit.  Wondering... if these are the dog days, what's next?

My boys and me, in the dirt.