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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Flawed


We are flawed. We all express our worst self at one time or another. I'm not talking about the bad days, where we say something stupid or trip over some common failure. I mean the big stuff. The dark truths that we don't want to admit about ourselves and don't want to believe exist in our beloveds.

Mother... father... lover... child.

It would follow, that most of us will be bitterly disappointed by, or will disappoint, someone we love. It happens all the time. We've either experienced it or witnessed it. We've either been devastated, humiliated, appalled, or deeply ashamed because of it.

So, when the bomb drops, and if it hasn't yet, it will; what's next?

At first it's quiet. Almost numbing. You're there, seeing it, hearing it, but this must be someone else. This can't be MY story. And it sinks. Deeper. Spreading like hot lava through your veins. Suddenly, you long for the mundane. You long to just have to unload the dishwasher, study for that test, do a grocery run with your sole concern being what's for dinner.

And, though you'd like to disappear, you are there. In it. Left with choices. How do I get through tomorrow? Today? The next five minutes? What do I say to the people? The ones that care, that don't, that are hurt, are angry, are cruel? Will they condemn? Will I? Forgive? What the hell does that even mean!? What does that feel like?! Will I feel better if I punish? Am punished? Will I recover?

Choices... Questions...

Flawed beings that we are, we tend to love in terribly flawed ways. Sometimes we truly love, but hurt our beloveds anyway. Other times, we hurt others in the name of love but are void of it entirely. It can become confusing. It fosters the need for walls. Safe-havens from the potential disappointments. Yet, as flawed as our love is, it is still our life-force. We need it.

What is love really? What role does love play in this mess? Is it really love before they've seen your demons and you've seen theirs? Before you know just how ugly they can be behind the beautiful? To love when the darkness sets in. To see it through. When it is received as well as given. This love heals. It provides hope; recovery. It is not used as a ploy for change but persists in spite of it.

Truth is, profound growth can be born out of our flaws. The exposure which results from failure is raw and honest. It throws hands in the air. It is an opportunity to surrender to change; to decide to live and love with the full knowledge that people are broken, imperfect, habitual, fragile, and insanely...

BEAUTIFUL.

1 comment:

  1. That is so beautiful, and so true. You read my mind!

    ReplyDelete

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