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Sunday, June 20, 2010

Crispy French Toast and Artichokes... Scaring the Goblins Away

Today is one of those 'Couldn't we just skip it and move on to the next calendar day?' days.  

June 20... 

Father's Day - that I can handle, despite my own "daddy" issues.  My former Mr., we'll refer to him as 'D' from now on, has been a terrific father to my three, and I am forever grateful for that.

The one that stings; and by stings I mean gouges out my insides and runs them through the shredder; is that today is my wedding anniversary.  What truly was the happiest day of my life.   We were married for 11 years.  I'm not sure how you get over that, but I'm limping my way through it.  

So, I'm trying to "do" things.  Stuff that will scare the ugly goblins of depression away.  Nothing has been magic so far, but here is a list of some of my half-hearted efforts:

  • Garage sales and Farmers Market.  Being broke, I have to keep my entertainment costs down.  Yesterday I spent 11 dollars and bought one outfit, 4 artichokes and a big bag of organic greens.  I also got to sample umpteen varieties of peaches, nectarines, cherries, plums, several varieties of Indian cuisine, and some kettle corn.  The people swarming about made me feel not-so-alone and the man playing his guitar was good for the soul.
  • Left over French toast.  I made french toast for the kidlets on Friday morning and had some left, frozen.  The great thing about left over french toast is that it gets crispy on the outside when you toast it lightly.  YUM.  A few bites of that cinnamony goodness, along with some little blue pills and I'm almost functional!
  • Starbucks.  We all know how efficiently Starbucks can provide a cup of happy.  After my toasty breakfast and market stomping, I still wasn't feeling it, so I pulled out the old Starbucks gift card from my wallet and administered a Grande Caramel Light Frappacino - WITH whip.  I'll admit, it gave me a pretty good temporary mood boost.
  • Garden planning/digging/idea shopping...  I decided to stroll the isles of Lowe's for some patio garden inspiration.  I checked the discount rack, but nothing struck my fancy.  In the past I've found some great deals there.  I got the biggest boost from the sweet scent breezing off of the cluster of Star Jasmine.  I have decided that I will be adding several Jasmine plants to my garden.
  • After some abusive texts and phone calls yesterday evening (I should clarify that these were not from D), my mood hit the shredder again.  After a desperate post on FB, I grabbed a pair of shears and took to my bangs.  This time I googled proper bang-snipping techniques so as to avoid the tragic results of previous attempts.  It felt good to see through my fringe again.  
  • It has been about 8 months since I've touched a bottle of polish so I gave that a whirl.  Midnight Blue toes and Cherry Red finger tips.  It's amazing what pretty hands and feet do for one's self esteem. 
  • Took a shower.  Simple, but so comforting.
  • I blogged, scribbled, jotted... I don't have much of a support network near me, so that makes it difficult to find comfort in friends.  I know I need to develop that more.  This has been a challenge of mine since college.  Anyway, writing, especially writing for some type of social forum, helps to fill that void.  Gives me a sense of connection as well as a place for expression.

I'm SO open to other thoughts and ideas for fighting depression.  Most of the time this is beyond me.  I would love to hear from you, my cyber family.  What keeps you going when it gets really mucky?


  1. I have learned the one surefire way to get rid of depression is to do something for someone else. For me, recently, it was teaching English to Hill Tribe kids in the mountains of Thailand. I had been in a pretty bad funk (feeling sorry for myself and my 'high class problems' and when I spent some time with these kids, who have absolutely nothing - it was like a cosmic kick in the butt. It was amazing, once I stopped dwelling on myself and put my energy into helping these kids (who were remarkably happy despite extreme poverty), my anxiety and sadness literally just melted away. Nothing they sell in a bottle can do that for you.

  2. I pick up my camera and shoot photos. Definitely gives me something to look forward to. That and the little blue pills help too. :)

  3. Well my pills are purple and I don't think they help as much as doing what you're doing.

    Getting outside is key and luckily you're in Cali so there are a lot of opportunities for that.

    I think you're doing great Cherie, and Travis is 200% correct; doing something for someone else is key. Even if it is anonymous.

    I'm full of useless information and not-so-much advice and you're welcome to it anytime! (insert big cheesy smile here)

    And to add to Wade's post, developing your spirituality is key too. As much as us recovering SDA kids don't like to admit, on some level, we need G-D.

  4. Oh how I have been there - let me count the ways. Keep doing this - writing helps. I found the more I wrote, the more I got it all out the better. If you don't you'll carry it inside and you know what? You deserve a better fate than that. Please keep writing more.

  5. It will definitely get better hun. Just take it one day at a time. I have been through more than my share of depression and hard times, but if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, you will end up in a better place.

    Visiting from MBC.


  6. Music! I can really start to feel better with music that I love. I am sorry you are going through this. I have had some really trying times in my life and somehow as time goes on they do pass. It is just really hard while you are in it. Surround yourself with loving people and doing the things you know make you happy! I am here from MBC! You have a new follower! Come and visit Mama's Little Chick when you can.

    Mama Hen

  7. Hi Cherie, I know that it is silly to even think that you don't have reason to be depressed, you have so many events in your life right now that require so much processing that you would be abnormal to have anything but the fight for happiness. When I was about your age I was going thru some "stuff" that was depressing and I found a book titled "How to Win Over Depression" I have no idea if it is still in print, it would have been written somewhere in the 70's (ohhhhh, so old!) But the premise of the book is that happiness is something that can be made as a concious choice each and every day to "win over depression" . I really don't recall HOW I did it but I was eventually able to make choices for happiness every day and did change the course of the depression. But of course ultimately the thing that really works is making the changes in your life so that the circumstances in your life are bringing you happiness every day. Time is the only answer for that, time will change your perspective on the events that are bringing you depression. You will get better, you will feel better, just keep doing the positive things that bring you even a moment of joy every time that you possibly can. I am sorry you don't have a better support system there, but you have one here, so at least enjoy that. You are loved, even if from afar. You are not alone even tho you feel so lonely. This is only posted as "anonymous" cause i can't figure out how to post it any other way. J.M.

  8. Hi Cherie,

    I know that it is hard to keep friends, especially when life gets busy and making time for others seems impossible. I just want to let you know, that I am here, and you can come over whenever you like. I am a phone call or 5 minute drive away.

    Love you much!


  9. Thank you so much for all the comments! I sooo take them to heart. I have already put some of the suggestions to action. Thank you! Thank you!

  10. Hi Cherie,

    Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier today!

    I've been in a depression at least three times in my life, and fought it off many more. It's just something I have to accept that I have to live with. When I'm aware that it's coming, I do much of what you're already doing. Writing is also my therapy, I get far more out of writing than I ever have from counseling.

    Other things that help me are:
    Making note of my happinesses and gratitudes every day. At the end of the day when I'm tired and mopey I can tend to obsess over what went wrong. Better to re-frame my day and make myself reflect on the positives, so I go to bed at least having recently had good thoughts. It's not a quick fix, but I do think it's an exercise that helps over time.

    Exercise - HARD exercise. It gets the endorphins going, gives you a high, and helps to re-program your brain. Lots of research to back that one up :)

    Take care - and spend lots of time with people who care about you, remind yourself how much they care. You're not alone. Even if it's online friends, you're not alone.


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