Today is one of those 'Couldn't we just skip it and move on to the next calendar day?' days.
Father's Day - that I can handle, despite my own "daddy" issues. My former Mr., we'll refer to him as 'D' from now on, has been a terrific father to my three, and I am forever grateful for that.
The one that stings; and by stings I mean gouges out my insides and runs them through the shredder; is that today is my wedding anniversary. What truly was the happiest day of my life. We were married for 11 years. I'm not sure how you get over that, but I'm limping my way through it.
So, I'm trying to "do" things. Stuff that will scare the ugly goblins of depression away. Nothing has been magic so far, but here is a list of some of my half-hearted efforts:
- Garage sales and Farmers Market. Being broke, I have to keep my entertainment costs down. Yesterday I spent 11 dollars and bought one outfit, 4 artichokes and a big bag of organic greens. I also got to sample umpteen varieties of peaches, nectarines, cherries, plums, several varieties of Indian cuisine, and some kettle corn. The people swarming about made me feel not-so-alone and the man playing his guitar was good for the soul.
- Left over French toast. I made french toast for the kidlets on Friday morning and had some left, frozen. The great thing about left over french toast is that it gets crispy on the outside when you toast it lightly. YUM. A few bites of that cinnamony goodness, along with some little blue pills and I'm almost functional!
- Starbucks. We all know how efficiently Starbucks can provide a cup of happy. After my toasty breakfast and market stomping, I still wasn't feeling it, so I pulled out the old Starbucks gift card from my wallet and administered a Grande Caramel Light Frappacino - WITH whip. I'll admit, it gave me a pretty good temporary mood boost.
- Garden planning/digging/idea shopping... I decided to stroll the isles of Lowe's for some patio garden inspiration. I checked the discount rack, but nothing struck my fancy. In the past I've found some great deals there. I got the biggest boost from the sweet scent breezing off of the cluster of Star Jasmine. I have decided that I will be adding several Jasmine plants to my garden.
- After some abusive texts and phone calls yesterday evening (I should clarify that these were not from D), my mood hit the shredder again. After a desperate post on FB, I grabbed a pair of shears and took to my bangs. This time I googled proper bang-snipping techniques so as to avoid the tragic results of previous attempts. It felt good to see through my fringe again.
- It has been about 8 months since I've touched a bottle of polish so I gave that a whirl. Midnight Blue toes and Cherry Red finger tips. It's amazing what pretty hands and feet do for one's self esteem.
- Took a shower. Simple, but so comforting.
- I blogged, scribbled, jotted... I don't have much of a support network near me, so that makes it difficult to find comfort in friends. I know I need to develop that more. This has been a challenge of mine since college. Anyway, writing, especially writing for some type of social forum, helps to fill that void. Gives me a sense of connection as well as a place for expression.
I'm SO open to other thoughts and ideas for fighting depression. Most of the time this is beyond me. I would love to hear from you, my cyber family. What keeps you going when it gets really mucky?