Add to the above, Pregnant Brain. This is the state of dementia which sets in with the implantation of the egg and persists until... well, I'll let you know. Forgetfulness is a big symptom, as is word loss. Word loss really sucks when trying to execute a witty comeback only to deliver some version of awkward. I find myself wanting to explain that I really am intelligent... Really!
Throw in a few thousand hormones, a divorce, three adolescents and an economic crisis, and we have a big soup of WTF!?!
When attempting my projects, I frequently have to institute a plan 'B' (C,D,E..) because 'A' didn't quite work out. Admittedly, I'm not real big on patterns or manuals. I drift when reading them, wanting to skip to the end, past all the slow, redundant explanations. Hence my "trial by error" ways. I learn by doing... and then doing again. Mom says she could never teach me anything as a child. My first sentence was, "do it MYSELF!"
Obviously, there are pitfalls to this tendency. It can set a project back, or change its course entirely. It can be exhausting and frustrating. But, I do learn. I solve. I innovate.
Finding plans B or C in the project of my life is much more intimidating. My attempts to solve and innovate become very clouded by the above-mentioned dementia soup, as well as by the noise.
I sometimes find it difficult to distinguish my own voice from those of my contributors/critics. My need for approval and acceptance can smother my clarity. Please understand, I need and seek the input of others. It is vital and appreciated. But, I have found this to be true: Pushing through that noise to find confidence in my own conclusions and actions, is ultimately where I find the most peace.
|Reflecting on Lake Tahoe|