Packed My Bag Today

Time to wait.  

People ask, "are you ready?"  Chuckle.... "NO!"  But, who ever really is?  Is it possible to be fully prepared to bring a new human life into the world?  Seriously, if it is possible PLEASE someone fill me in.

At least I have the advantage of experience.  I'm kind of like the Bitch that has mellowed after producing a few litters.  It's only a little sad because she's also lost her own puppy spunk...

I've graduated to the, "I'm tired... Hand me the pickles... These pillows aren't cutting it... Where's my fan?... Damn machine is shrinking everything!!... What do you mean Attitude?.." phase of pregnancy.  This is about the time that those close to me start "suggesting" helpful methods for speeding things up a bit.  (Although, those who have experienced postpartum Cherie are a little more long-suffering with this phase.)

The major milestones have passed.  Kids are settled back in school.  Daughter's slumber party was a success.  Car seat has been acquired.  And, most significantly, Biscuit's daddy, Klee, has arrived and is actively lightening my load.  I'm officially 37 weeks today.  FULL TERM.  Time to exhale (briefly). That, and eat the broccoli-cheese soup, biscuits (the non-baby kind) and pie that Klee has been creating for us in our tiny Belmont Cottage Kitchen.

37 weeks, 1 cm dilated, baby engaged.

Ready or not...

Rocking chair ready to serve. 

This Woman's Work (36 weeks, 4 days)

Facebook and The OTHER Head

I recently asked for input from my nearest and dearest on the subject of circumcision um.. I posted the question on my facebook status... because I'm THAT smart.  I was immediately made aware of the passion behind this issue.  Understandably so; it has been of great concern to me with the impending arrival of my Biscuit and his perfectly intact penis.  


One of my favorite responses came to me in a private message from my very special friend, Pam... seen below with her precious Zion.

Kinda forgot to ask if I could use this photo...

After reading her message on this subject, I had NO choice but to share it with the world.  I did get her permission to quote her.  So please, enjoy Pam's thoughts on Circumcision.  

"Our final decision came after much research and finally on the basis of the fact That the APA (American Pediatric Assoc) said there's no SOLID reason to do it.  Once can come up with reasons that might make circumcision a favorable decision - like 1. Their parts should look like their dad's (where is this rule written I wonder?)  2. It's cleaner...(perhaps, if one isn't taught how to take care of it) or 3. STD's/AIDS (again, if you don't intend to teach him about such things anyway.)

I think a lot of it just comes down to the fact that most men at least used to do it. I don't know that that's true now.  Tradition, basically.

But one good reason for NOT doing it, according to our pediatrician, is that there are, let's just say, more pleasurable sensations for those who DON'T have it done (which may or may not explain my boy's frequent need to gyrate on the floor, regardless of the setting).

That just leaves one with the question of, do I really want to do anything to increase the capacity for my man-child to think with his other head than he might already be prone to?

We decided in his favor.  :)"  

Before and After (kinda)

I wanted to show you a few before and afters.  The afters are not complete yet (DISCLAIMER).  But, it's fun to see the progress anyway.

Before

After

First stage of After.  The TV will be mounted and the media
stand will go.  We are also planning to paint and possibly add
a second zebra chair.

Before (view from entry)

Preliminary After - We will be moving the bookcase elsewhere,
adding a lamp to the small side table,
painting, and adjusting artwork.

Before (window wall)

After

Before (view from dining room)

After 

Have a fabulous weekend!

Chalk Soup (Cool Find and Project)

I found a package of chalkboard appliques at the HomeGoods store for $6.99!  I only found one small package or I might have done something more elaborate.

I traced out the insets in my cabinets, transferred the pattern to the applique sheet, then cut to fit.  Easy as pie...  mmmmm... pie...

Chalkboard wall applique

It was so quick and easy that I was able to do it while whipping up one of our favorite fall meals, potato soup and cornbread.  YUM!

By candle light none the less!

34 Weeks, 2 Days... Going Scared

"I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing." ~Anais Nin  (I stole this quote from my friend, Janet.)

How do I feel?

"

I feel scared.  

Not so much about the delivery; I've been down that road before, so I have an idea of what to expect.  It probably consumes about 5% of my fear.  I do worry about getting to the hospital in time.  I don't want to birth my baby on the side of the 680 (albeit a cool story if all ends well).


I have questions.


I wonder if my supporters will have time to be there with me, or if I will be alone.  Will Biscuit's daddy make it in time to welcome him into this life?  I know the desire is there.  Time and circumstances could be our enemy.  Will that be OK?


Will the postpartum depression kick in right away like it has in the past?  Can they inject me with estrogen and Zoloft to fight those demons off?  I have to fight them off.


Can I do this?  Again?  Will I love him well enough?  Give him the life he deserves?  Do my three know how deeply I love them?  Are we doing OK?  Will we?  We will.  I know we will.  


Where is the money coming from?  


I want to heal.  So much.  To heal. To love.  To press forward.  The loss is still so overwhelming.  Life still feels intensely foreign... and, is about to feel even more so.  


Sometimes I feel so alien.  Like no one in the world understands what I'm experiencing.  Where's the, "Older, pregnant, financially destitute, mid-divorce mommies" play group?  I don't fit.  Not a soccer mom.  Not a career woman.  Not feeling real successful in the marriage department.  I don't blend.  Most of the time I'm at peace with that.  I even appreciate some of my eccentricities.  But, when I want... need... belonging.  Support.  I feel a million miles out in the middle of nowhere.


I don't mean to wallow.  And, I know I'm not special.  I know everyone has pain that sets them a part for a time.  I do know this.  BUT, I wish some of my traumas were a little more run of the mill.  The kind books are written for.  It's just that several of the major events in my life, which have left me altered, just don't have support groups named after them.  And the sensational quality of some of my trials have left me wary of the motives of would-be supporters.  Is it the "scoop" they want, or do they care?  About me.  Who can I trust?

Will life get better?  Experience tells me that it will, eventually.  But, I'll always be aware of the fragility of it all.  I wish naivety could be restored.  I would so love to recapture the spunk and optimism of 17-year old Cherie. 


I'm here now.  37 years old.  A mother.  I'm looking for hope.  Light.  I am learning.  I am finding some of my own beauty.  Creating it.  I'm scared.  


Years ago I was scheduled to speak in front of a large group of people.  My nerves were eating me alive.  A good friend at the time said, "you don't have to feel calm, just go scared."


I am...
          going scared.

Fallen

Find of the Day

Pier 1 Imports $7.00!  They had a great collection of vintage-style wall hooks.  Very cool.

I Have A Pfaff; Don't be Jealous

I inherited my grandmother's sewing machine about 13 years ago.  I'm not sure how long she had it, but it was no spring chicken when it came to stay with me.  It's a Pfaff Synchrotronic 1229.  I like that name.  Pfaff.  


Anyway, it has a bunch of little gadgets in it that I don't understand, but I do know how to thread it and sew.  


It has been neglected over the past several years.  It moves everywhere with me and sits in some corner, waiting to fulfill it's purpose.  I think it would get more use if I had a sewing room like my grandmother had.  I get lazy and don't want to lug it out and set it all up (which takes all of five minutes).  


But, necessity inspires action.  I needed more sheets for Biscuit's mini crib, among a few other items, so I pulled out the Pfaff and went to work.


I considered altering a few more crib sheets as I did with the first one, but that was going to get a little pricy, and I didn't love any of the sheets at Babies-R-Us.  I also knew I wanted to sew a small crib skirt and maybe make a cover for the changing table pad, so I wanted more material than those sheets would provide.  I checked the local fabric store and was unimpressed.  Nothing seemed soft enough for baby skin.  

Walmart sheet before I cut it
to pieces.

Fortunately, Walmart and Ross had a few cute sheet sets for a great price so I swiped those up and started cutting.  I used a twin set and a full set which resulted in ample left-overs.




The paisley sheets combined well with my green tulle to make a simple crib skirt. 

Crib skirt and sheet

I was able to make two crib sheets from one full-sized blue sheet.  It's a nice, soft fabric.

The changing pad cover was actually my most time-consuming item.  I had trouble fitting it to the contours of the pad.  I still may make some alterations.  I wanted to sew several covers, but I may stop with the one.

There was plenty of the paisley left for the cover and I also had some of the minky dot left from the quilt, so I combined the two in order to give Biscuit's bum a soft landing.

Coming together

The remaining fabric will be put to good use.  I have one complete twin fitted sheet of the paisley and one complete full sheet of the blue print.  Those will probably go to the kids club.  There are also several pillow cases which I've thrown on my bed in order to tie Biscuit's details to mine.  


Oh ya!  I also filled the gaudy heirloom frame with a fabric that I love; AND I added more contact paper branches to the wall.

Now all it needs is a photo in the side table frame.

Pregnant Ramblings

I've been in project mode lately.  It's my attempt to fight off the panic of being unprepared for the Biscuit to arrive.  Every project I complete gives me a small sense of peace, until my brain starts listing all of the, as yet un-done, details.  This is what happens when OCD meets Third Trimester.  Suddenly, the lack of Desitin seems dire.


Add to the above, Pregnant Brain.  This is the state of dementia which sets in with the implantation of the egg and persists until... well, I'll let you know.  Forgetfulness is a big symptom, as is word loss.  Word loss really sucks when trying to execute a witty comeback only to deliver some version of awkward.  I find myself wanting to explain that I really am intelligent... Really!


Throw in a few thousand hormones, a divorce, three adolescents and an economic crisis, and we have a big soup of WTF!?!


When attempting my projects, I frequently have to institute a plan 'B' (C,D,E..) because 'A' didn't quite work out.  Admittedly, I'm not real big on patterns or manuals.  I drift when reading them, wanting to skip to the end, past all the slow, redundant explanations.  Hence my "trial by error" ways.  I learn by doing... and then doing again.  Mom says she could never teach me anything as a child.  My first sentence was, "do it MYSELF!"  


Obviously, there are pitfalls to this tendency.  It can set a project back, or change its course entirely.  It can be exhausting and frustrating.  But, I do learn.  I solve.  I innovate.  


Finding plans B or C in the project of my life is much more intimidating.  My attempts to solve and innovate become very clouded by the above-mentioned dementia soup, as well as by the noise.  


I sometimes find it difficult to distinguish my own voice from those of my contributors/critics.  My need for approval and acceptance can smother my clarity.  Please understand, I need and seek the input of others.  It is vital and appreciated. But, I have found this to be true: Pushing through that noise to find confidence in my own conclusions and actions, is ultimately where I find the most peace.

Reflecting on Lake Tahoe